I love you, I just don't trust you

I don’t know who reads these blogs, or how often you do, but tonight I feel like doing something a little different. Tonight, I am going to be raw and honest, honest about myself. And mom (if you are reading this) don’t start freaking out and crying and thinking my life sucks and blah blah blah, but the truth, the truth is, I don’t trust people. I don’t trust my friends, I don’t trust my family, I don’t trust my co-workers, and tonight of all nights, I don’t trust the weather forecasters.

We were promised “the storm of all storms, a Snow-icane, the worst storm of the season.” I woke up at 6:00am this morning, flipped on the news and watched and waited, waited to hear just how bad this monster was going to be. It was coming down pretty good here by the airport, but just not sticking. Around 8:00am, they broadcasted and said around mid-afternoon, the highways were going to become impassable and that is when the bulk of the storm was going to hit.

That is when I made up my mind; I am going to call out of work. You see, I live 37 miles away and its all highway in. The last thing I wanted tonight was to be stuck out in the suburbs with no money, no change of clothes and no where to go. So, yes, I was a schmuck and I called out, and you know what, THEY WERE WRONG…At one point today it stopped snowing. I am so pissed off right now. I missed out on money, I put my co-workers in a difficult situation, and now I have this feeling that people at work are looking at me as, well as a wimp. It sucks, it’s a horrible feeling, and it just solidifies that I don’t trust people.

Now lets talk about the people that I call my friends. I love you guys, I do, but do I trust you? How can I when I don’t even trust myself? You judge, you all do, you know you do, how I do know you do, because I do, I judge peoples actions, I judge what people say and do, but does this mean I love you any less, no, I just don’t trust you. I can honestly say that there is MAYBE a handful of people in this world, that I would say, “okay, here is my life, I am putting it in the palm of your hand, don’t let me down,” and I know they wouldn’t. Others, I get it, believe me when I tell you, I get it, you have families, work, school, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, other friends, work, miles in between us. Its not that I am upset, or love you any less, I just don’t trust you, and guess what….you should not trust me either! I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I am emotional, I am manic, I am selfish, but if there is one thing I am not, its perfect. I am not perfect, I am at times a great friend and at times I am horrible friend. I do however, love, I love with all of my heart. Once I have allowed you close to my heart, you always will remain there, now matter how bad you hurt me, or how long it is until I see you again. You will have a spot there.

Moving on, family, ahhh, I love talking about how I don’t trust my family. I would have to say that one of my most favorite people in this world is my mother. Hell, she made this body in which I live, but for the love of G-d, she drives me crazy. I call her and I ask, “how are you?” Her reply, ALWAYS…”Tired, I didn’t sleep well last night. She tells me that she is eating well, exercising, doing all the things that a 60-something should…LIES…she is lying, she is telling me this so I don’t worry, and bless her soul, I can understand why she does this. You know why I know, because I lie to her too! I lie all the time. I could be sick, and tell her, “oh, I’m fine.” Or I could be sad and depressed about something, and I will just say, “I’m tired it was a long day.” We lie, we lie because we don’t want each other to hurt. We love each other so much, that to hear the truth would be worse than a lie.

My father, hell, I don’t trust a single word that comes out of that mans mouth. I don’t even know if I trust when he tells me that he loves me. Okay, yea, I think he does love me, but I don’t think he likes me AT ALL! Not even a little. I think he calls me just because he feels like he is obligated, which, fine, if at the end of the day, that makes him feel like a dad, go ahead. How is it going to change my life? Its not.

I love my big sister. I do, I think she is beautiful and smart and cute, but Good Lord! I can’t sit in a room with her for more than thirty minuets before I want to throw something at her or throw me down a flight of stairs. Now, the question is, do I trust her? I trust she will be honest with me, I trust that she wants what is best for me, but I don’t trust that if my world were crashing down around me, she would be able to be there for me. I know she would want to be, but I just don’t think she is capable. Again, I love my sister with every fiber of my being, but it is so damn hard to trust her with the important things in my life.

Finally my co-workers, now, I know a lot of you may be reading this and I am sure I am going to get a lot of sideways glances from here on out, but you know what, that this is my platform, this is the only time I can say what I really want to say, and don’t you dare for a second tell me you all have not felt this yourself. I DON’T TRUST YOU! Now, some of you, a handful of you are very close to me, close and dear to my heart, you have brought me into your homes, your lives and your families, and for that I will be forever grateful, for that you will have my heart, I will lay down on tracks for. Others, well, others out there, you are simply out there for yourself. You could care less, who is around that CORNER, or helping you out. They just care about their pocket. URGH, its so frustrating and I don’t trust you!

Trust, it’s a slippery slope, one to tread lightly on. I give my trust to people too easily. I know I shouldn’t. I know I should hold on to it with both hands and question everyone’s motives before I give it away because before you know it, you are taken advantage of and sitting in your living room, on a cold windy cluster-snow night drinking Dynamite Vineyards 2007 Red Zinfandel. Since we are being honest here, I didn’t want to drink this wine tonight, I had no desire to drink something that was going to make me happy or full of joy. I certainly didn’t want to drink something called Dynamite. I wanted to sit here in the dark and wallow in my misery of being disappointed by people and especially this storm. I did however make a big pot of my amazing chili and when reading the back of the bottle it boasted that it paired nicely with something spicy, so I thought, ‘what the hell.’

The bottle is beautiful, I mean a real piece of artwork by Stephan Ward, it illustrates the Pomo Indian legend behind the diamond-like quartz that sparkles in one of the volcanic vineyard’s soils. The bottle goes on to explain that, “The moon wet when she could be with her lover, a Pomo chieftain, and her tears fell in the earth, forming glistening “Moon Tears.” Isn’t that a beautiful story and yet so fitting how life really is, from our tears, amazing things grow. Think about it.

I took my first sip of this Zinfandel and bam, it hit me! Dynamite is right. It was an explosion of flavors; I was almost too scared to go back for another sip. Honestly, I let it sit on my table for about 20 minuets before I did. But I am so glad I did. The big raspberry flavor, plum and currants right up front and as it float back you start to taste just a little bit of dark chocolate and finally ending with licorice.

With everything that is going on in my mind, my heart, my body right now and to top it off with the weather outside, I feel that Dynamite just may be the perfect wine for a night like tonight. It is paired perfectly with my spicy turkey chili. I am ready to turn the lights off, keep the candles glowing, sit by the window and wait, wait for some sort of truth to come to me.

Cheers!

It all takes time

I had a long day. A really long day. We are expecting our 4th snow storm of the season. And when I say snow storm, I mean, its been given a name, it is now called a Snow-icane. If you recall, we also had the Mid-Atlantic Monster earlier this year, well, it's time to nestle in and pray for the best, but expect the worst.

So, with everyone else in town, I stood in line, loaded up on bread, coffee creamer, canned goods for chili and yes, oh yes, I will not go with out my wine for this one. It is still unknown just how much this storm is expected to dump on us or if I will be working in the days to come, but at least I am prepared either way.

I sit here tonight after an exhausting day of demanding guests, horrific traffic and cold wet weather. I walked around the wine store for a good amount of time before deciding on tonight's wine. Jacobs Creek Shiraz, 2007 is spicy with a very strong layer of licorice. The flavor of plum and pepper are notice right away at the tip of the tongue. I'm not sure if I like this wine. I want to like this wine, I want to love it, but I am just having a very difficult time with it. I almost feel like I am TRYING to like the wine as opposed to, taking a sip and just knowing I was going to enjoy it.

Jacobs Creek is from South Eastern Australia, but the grapes have been selected from various Australian regions to make a single varietal. I just feel that with all the hard work that has gone into this bottle, I should be getting something more. Something, that makes me love this wine.

I so badly want to love this wine. HA, I just realized I have a parallel with wine and my life, yet again! My friend Dana said to me yesterday, "you want to be in love so badly, it will happen, just let it." I thought about it last night and it occurred to me that not only was she right, but not only do I want to love and be loved, but I am also getting in the way of letting that happen.

I find myself pushing, pressing, searching for the good, and holding on with both hands, almost for dear life. I can't do that. I can't do that with wine, I can't do that with relationships, I can't do that with life.

Everything takes time to develop, wine, life, love. If you find that things are not what you want them to be, if you are not enjoying them, maybe you are standing in the way of them developing. Give it time, let it breath, and you never know how delicious it can turn out.

Cheers!

LBD

Its snowing, AGAIN! I feel like we are going to be under this blanket of snow for the rest of time. I just can't seem to find the bright side of all of this snow. I have missed two days of work, the roads are a mess, my car does not drive as well as I would like it to, and to be honest, I have not shaved my legs in a week! Now that is being honest and being totally exposed!

After wearing yoga pants and long sleeved shirts for the past month, I thought I would try something a little different, something a little sexy, sweet and sophisticated. The Little Black Dress became a fashion icon in the 1920's when Coco Chanel introduced it as being affordable, versatile and long lasting. It can be simple or seductive depending on your mood.

After seeing the 2008 Little Black Dress Chardonnay, I knew this was something I had to have in my closet, or wine rack if you may. LBD, is a product of Hopland, CA. I was very excited to open this wine tonight, but after the first sip, I said out loud, "Oh, this is not what I wanted!" I was deflated, and depressed. But, like the perfect LBD, you really need to try it on to get an appreciation. With a very strong lemon front and heavy oak finish It has taken me about half of the glass now to decide, its not all that bad.

PT.2

I never finished that first glass. I was, well, otherwise sidetracked. Its a new night, and just as cold out, and yet again, expecting snow. I didn't get a chance to try this wine again until later tonight. As I opened the bottle it (yes, it, the bottle...don't you all know that wine is a living breathing thing), the bottle actually let out a sigh of relief. It wanted to breath, it wanted to sigh, it wanted me! And, you know what, I wanted it. More than I had ever wanted a glass of wine before. I had already made up my mind. I didn't care if it was going to taste good or not, I just wanted a freaking glass of wine. After the hell day I had today, the yelling, the complaining, the...the lady from New Jersey that, COULDN'T eat anything green, but was so pleased with the chicken lettuce wraps and then proceeded to hit on my boss. But thank goodness for the two lovely ladies at table 18. I hope you are reading this tonight because you made my day worth getting through. And ladies, I promise you, I will drink more red wine and...this white..well, its not that bad.

I digress...I needed this wine tonight, I needed it like cookies need milk, like a love story needs a happy ending, and well, like I need to be sitting on the beach...in maybe say, the Caymen Islands? I'm just saying.

How many of you are totally confused right now and saying, "wow, she drank the whole LBD!"

No, not yet, but trust, I WILL.

Okay, so you remember my first kiss of a wine? Well, LBD has proven that there is something more exciting than a first kiss, its a second sip. I did not, DID NOT like this wine after the first sip, it had the taste of Pledge, you know the stuff you spray on wood? Well, then I took one more sip before crying, before realizing, I HAVE NO OTHER WINE TO DRINK!!!!!!

Then, there was the second sip, okay, much better now. Like the second kiss, you get to explore a little more. You get to allow it to show its true colors. The second kiss you let your guard down a little more and not only do you let your lips feel but your whole body begins to experience the emotion, feeling and charge. I drank this wine, in one quick gulp wanting more, expecting more, gaining more. I began to appreciate how the body can give way to something greater than myself, my arms loosened up, my wrists felt loose and my fingers began to flow.

LBD has proven to me that even though I am not a white wine drinker, even though I probably will hang this LBD back up and see what the next season brings, you can always count on it being affordable, versatile and long lasting. Long live the Little Black Dress!



Cheers!

I'm with William

Dear Mother Nature, knock it the F**K off! What is going on here? We got 24 inches of only 4 days ago, and now we are getting another 20+ inches!!!! How can this be happening? The news just said these are record snow levels. I have not been out of my house in over a day. The sky is glowing pink, the winds are reminiscent of the ones Dorthy and her little dog too experienced. I have not seen another living human being in almost two days. There are not even foot prints in the snow. Is this the end of life as I know it? Come on Amanda, get it together, its just a snow storm...

Now a storm like this would not be a problem for most people that get called out of work, in fact there are thousands of kids and adults alike, praying they get the call from the boss that they don't have to come to work tomorrow, however, if I don't work, I don't get paid. URGH, for the love of all that is right in this world!!! Stop snowing!

Last night I loaded up on food, coffee and treats for the news said that this storm was going to be the worst storm in history. Man, they were not kidding!

I have made the most unbelievable winter storm chili. For those of you that don't eat red meat, you will love this. Even if you do eat red meat, I promise you, you will be in for a special delight!

I took 1 pound of ground turkey and browned it with some garlic powder, Adobo spice, chili powder and salt and pepper.

I then added one can of black beans, one can of corn, one can of crushed tomatoes and one can of diced tomatoes, one can of enchilada sauce and threw it in the oven for about 25 minuets. Delish!

Tonight I need something that is going to warm me both inside and out. I have not had human contact in over a day and it looks like I wont for another day or so. I am going crazy. I am losing my ever loving mind! There are only so many times I can log into facebook and see other peoples cars covered by the snow, or how their dog got caught under a foot of snow trying to go to the bathroom. Ahh, and my favorite facebook status as of now is..."Is it snowing by you?" Um, HELLO, Its snowing across this freaking nation!

I am spending the night with William. William Hill Cabernet that is. It is a 2005 Cab out of Napa Valley. It is as dark as night in color and huge in flavor. As soon as the wine hit the tip of my tongue I could taste the sweet berries. The juice slid ever so quickly to the back of my mouth, leaving a path of raspberry, blackberry and plum. The roof of my mouth felt the oak, tingling like the pricks of a cactus from the dessert. I could taste the barrel it was soaked in and a strong sense of smoke. There is a long, long finish to this wine, almost like it is blanketing my mouth.

According to the William Hill Estate website, (http://www.williamhillestate.com/wines/bench-cab-2005.htm) these grapes were crushed and then soaked for 3-5 days in order to get the maximum color and fermentation.The wine was aged in French and American oak barrels prior to release.

Like the snow building up outside, the flavor of this wine mounts up in my mouth as well, from the tip of the tongue, to the roof of my mouth, back to the depths of my inner mouth. It is smooth and seductive, sweet yet strong and bold. A wine to be enjoyed on a cold winter night such as tonight. I recommend sharing this bottle with someone you want to enjoy a cozy night in with, or alone, where you can let your inner soul breath.

Being snowed in has its down falls, such as not making the money I need to pay my bills, but it also allows me to find out about a new juice and create a dish that will last me well into the days to come. Chili freezes so beautifully.

So, William and I are going to sit here tonight, with candles lit, watching the snow continue to pound into Philadelphia and I am going to allow myself to feel, to dream and to explore what my inner thoughts want me to.

For everyone reading this here in the North East, hang in there, drink to what is out of our control and when it is all said and done, go make a snow angel. For those of you in dryer climates, be happy you are not witnessing a historical winter and enjoy what is in your control.

Cheers!

Hey...Fat Bastard!

Good Friends.

That is exactly what the night was full of and that is exactly what was written on the back of our Fat Bastard Pinot Noir.

Last night was a night at the Nelsons. It was a night full of laughter, story telling, secret sharing, amazing food and wonderful wine. On the menu was a mixed salad, angel hair pasta, chicken, broccoli and asparagus along with home made garlic bread. It was a meal fit for kings, but enjoyed by queens.

The Red and the White flowed as myself and 7 of my very close friends enjoyed a lovely meal made possible by Jessica and her mother Joan. Keeping company was Kristen, Chimere, Holly, Jennifer and Judy.

There is something to be said for a night with your friends. After the storm we had over the weekend, being able to get outside of the house and spend some time with the people that are closest to you really helps you forget about all of the other worries that life may throw at you. You learn things about friends you may never have otherwise known, laugh about childhood memories and begin to make new ones.

Sitting at the Nelsons dinner table last night we did all of that. Sharing pictures of the past and taking new ones of the present, we all realized that we have so many things in common. We are all very strong, very willing and very loving women. Ranging in age from 20 years old up into, well...mom age. ;)

We shared stories of what its like to be in love in our twenties, in our thirties, forties, and forward. We learned what its like to be a mother, to be a daughter, a sister and a best friend. We prayed, ate, loved and grew closer as friends and family.

The wine I selected last night was purely based on the label. Fat Bastard. How can one not stop and pick that up? Fat Bastard is a wine from Southern France. It was developed by an American and a Frenchman. They came together as friends to create this product. It was a 2008 Pinot Noir that was very subtle on the front, with flavors of raspberry, strawberry and blackberry, but extremal dry and full of oak in the back. It had a huge finish that lingered. Cutting the oak with a delicious homemade carrot cake was the perfect combination.

The website, www.fatbastardwine.com boasts that this is a wine to be shared with friends and it is encouraged to make memories.

Even when trying times are upon us, when life deals us the wrong cards, we can always count on our friends, our families, our sisters and know there is someone there that can relate to our issues, problems and life's desires.

So, I tell you all, grab a bottle and call your closest friends, share and make memories.

Cheers!

The Mid-Atlantic Monster is Here!

The Mid-Atlantic Monster is what ABC news called the storm that is S-L-O-W-L-Y making its way into my front yard right now.

Since Tuesday the news had been calling for 12-24 inches of snow starting today (Friday) at 5pm going all day Saturday and ending in the evening. Then late yesterday the news said that the storm could come as early as 1pm. I think the entire city of Philadelphia and the surrounding towns went to the stores and stocked up like it was going to be the end of the world.

Honestly people, the shelves at the grocery store were bare in some places. From milk to batteries, bread to toilet paper, people were loading up. But I had this feeling all along, there was going to be no snow...okay, not no snow, but not snow of biblical proportion. At 1pm today it was 40 degrees and no sign of snow. 4pm, no snow.

So, what do I do? I head to Whole Foods and grab a salad. I honestly feel that if you live in a 10 mile radius of the store, you were there with me tonight. The lines were at least 15 people deep. I could not get over the idea that everyone in here was expecting the worst.

I headed for home and for whatever the weekend brings. I have my wine, I have my coffee and creamer, plenty of eggs, bread, cheese, Andes Mints and of course, toilet paper. So, Mid-Atlantic Monster, come and get me!

6pm no snow. Really everyone, what is the hype about? It is now 9:30pm...snow. Lots of it. About 4 inches have fallen in the past hour or so. Okay, I take it back, there is a Monster out there.

The most exciting part of a snow storm is being able to sit at home and drink your wine and not worry about going anywhere. Tonight, I am drinking Red Diamond. Yes, don't adjust your eyes...RED DIAMOND. I just love saying it!

Allow me to introduce to you an amazing Cabernet, and not a bad name if I may say so myself. From Washington state, this 2007 Cabernet is smooth and on a scale of 1-10 on being dry, I would go with a 7. Its a very easy wine to drink. There is no long finish, no after bite and very sharp on the front of the tongue. The bottle says that it "exudes style and confidence." Hmmm, sounds like another Diamond I know. It goes on to talk about the different berry's, oak and promises to be enjoyable every time. Well, Red Diamond just became this girls best friend!

I am enjoying this glass of wine with frozen double dipped Flipz. They are first dipped in peanut butter and then dipped in chocolate. Pure bliss!

So picture if you will, the snow falling outside, candles lit around the room, sitting on the couch, indulging in my frozen treat while enjoying this delicious diamond. Waiting for, well, I'm not waiting for anything this weekend. I am going to stay up late, sleep in even later.

I give up as far as guessing what this storm is going to do, but I do know that I am going to enjoy the peace and quiet, this bottle of wine and the idea of not leaving the house anytime soon!

Cheers!

Who Has a Sweet Tooth?

I think I hate Riesling. I know I used to really enjoy it, but now, now its just as sweet as red cool-aid on a hot summer day.

I had half of a bottle left over from Brunos visit last night and as you all know, I will not let a bottle of wine go to waste. So, I thought, what the heck, I will just finish this up and call it a night, but uhhh, its so sweet, its like a sugar lick. How do people enjoy this?

I am drinking Carl Reh 2007 Riesling, Spaltese. Or, should I say I am suffering through it. I can feel my caloric intake get higher and higher with every sip and also thinking, man, my head is going to kill me in the morning. Thank goodness there is only a glass left in this bottle.

Please, someone out there, prove me wrong. Let me know of another Riesling that is worth tipping. Or tell me why you like drinking this wine. Make me a believer, make me want to accept that this is okay. For I am sitting here, staring at this glass, wondering, wondering how this is enjoyable.

For the love of all that is right in this wine drinking world. Help me figure this one out!

Cheers!

Put a Little Fire in Your Life

After the stress of the weekend, I wanted something to calm my nerves. I walked into the wine store tonight having no idea what to get. I walked from the Italian wine, to the French, Spanish and German. I didn't know. I grew frustrated until this beautiful dark bottle with a bright red label caught my eye.

Zen of Zin

The label looked as though it were on FIRE. Zen, I needed to bring my body and soul to a peaceful place. How could I go wrong?

It wasn't until I got home and read the label that I knew I was about to partake in something so much bigger than just a peaceful glass of wine. I was being given directions in how to enjoy it.

POUR OFTEN. Especially among friends
PAIR BOLDLY. With prime rib, roast chicken, pork and chocolate
EXPERIMENT FREELY. Bring to a party full of Chards
SEEK BEAUTY. Chocolate, toffee, and blackberry jam flavors
BREATH DEEPLY. Note the vanilla, plum and coffee aromas
SHARE WISDOM. And laughter, always laughter

When I poured my first glass I could not believe how dark this glass of wine was. I was ready for a thick, full body, heavy glass of wine. Whew was I shocked, it was sweet, smooth and FULL of flavor. The sweet berry hits you right away and before you know it, the chocolate and vanilla take over at the end.

I followed through on my promise to myself. Prior to me sitting down to Zenfully enjoy my night, I sent off my resume. I am putting my energy and my good thoughts, feelings and prayer out to the universe. I pray that it provides in the best way possible.

Zen of Zin is of course a 2007. Its from Sonoma, California and an amazing addition to my life. If you are not a red wine drinker, but long for something sweet, I promise you, this is a wine that will not disappoint. However, if you enjoy your wines to be dry and clean, this may not be a good pick. I am already thinking about enjoying this wine with my Andes mints!

Please friends, family loved ones and strangers alike, don't forget to pour often, pair boldly, experiment freely, seek beauty, breathe deeply and share your wisdom.

Cheers!